Dating profile tips for queer people in India: what gets matches, what gets you outed, and what to leave out

A dating profile in India has to do two things that pull against each other: be specific enough that the right person stops scrolling, and vague enough that the wrong person cannot identify you. Most advice online only knows about the first. This covers both.

Photos

If your face is public: one clear face photo in daylight, one full-length, one doing something you actually do. Not a mirror, not a group, not sunglasses in all three. The first photo is the only one most people see before deciding; make it the one where you look like yourself on a good day.

If your face is hidden, which on this app means it is blurred until you choose who sees it, your photos still matter, because the person you match with will see them. Choose them the same way. In the meantime the rest of your card is doing the work, so it has to be good.

What to crop out: your building, your college logo, your car number plate, your office lanyard, anything with your surname. A background is a location. People have been found from a balcony view.

The name

A first name or the name you go by. It does not have to be the one on your ID. It should not be a name your family uses if they might be on the app; use the one your friends use.

The bio

Three sentences. What you are like, what you are into, what you are looking for. "Fun-loving, love travel and food" describes every human being. "I will beat you at carrom and then apologise for an hour" describes one, and is a message waiting to happen.

Say what you want. "Looking for something long-term" or "here for dates and seeing what happens" both work. Vagueness here costs you weeks. On this app relationship goal is a field, so use the bio for the texture.

Do not write your job title, your college, or your neighbourhood. Write the kind of work, the kind of place. "Teach maths to teenagers" is a conversation; "Faculty, DPS RK Puram" is a search result.

Prompts

Prompts exist so that the other person has something to reply to. Pick the one you can answer specifically. "A perfect Sunday" with "brunch and chill" is a wasted prompt; "A perfect Sunday" with "the 7 a.m. birdwatching group at the lake, then sleeping until 3" tells someone exactly whether they would enjoy your company.

Identity, on your terms

Pronouns are on the card and are worth filling in even if they are the ones people would guess; it tells a stranger you are someone who asks. Orientation and gender on the card are toggles here: you can match as bisexual and display nothing, or match as a trans woman and display "woman". Use them the way that feels safe. Nobody who matters is going to feel misled by learning your history on the second date instead of the card.

What not to put anywhere

• Your phone number or Instagram in the bio. Move off the app after you have matched and talked, not before.
• "Discreet" or "no strings" as a whole personality. It attracts exactly the profiles the safety guide warns about.
• Anything that reads as a list of who you will not date. It makes you look like the thing you are complaining about. Set your preferences in settings, where they work silently.

The test

Read your profile as a stranger and ask: would I message this person, and could I find them? You want yes to the first and no to the second. If you cannot get both, fix the second first.